Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
