I must be too annoying 4 u.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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