My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize