he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I supernannyed him into submission
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
