Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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