Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
