what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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