I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
