His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
