My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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