I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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