Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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