Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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