Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
