R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
