Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
