bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize