He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
