he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
