I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
