it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
