She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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