Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
