quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
