I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
