I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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