What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
