Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
