I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Screwed.edu
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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