okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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