why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
