5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
