I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
