one might say we're banned from that church
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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