he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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