Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
