Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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