She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
