FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
