you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
