So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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