you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
