We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
