good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
