I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
