Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
