so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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