a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
