Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
