a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
