We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
how drunk are you?
Several
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
