So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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