Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
How does it feel to date your dad?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
