I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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