how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
