Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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