Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
They took my balls.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
