ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
