hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
