She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
