He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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