OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
