I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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