i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
