don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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