You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
