My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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