took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
