he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
