Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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