My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
