i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
