You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
