I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize