So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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