i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
