I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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