Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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